This blog forms part of the Throwback series of blogs. In 2017/2018 my blog malfunctioned and many of my post disappeared from the web. At the time I was still dealing with my breast cancer ordeal and just didn’t have the heart to repost them. Now, I am in a much better place, I have decided since I know these blogs are helping others, they must be reinstated.
It was my friend Petra’s 40th birthday so it was a big deal. I was looking forward to celebrating with her. I knew there would great people, tasty Jamaican cuisine and some bangin’ joints (just to be clear that means ‘extra good music’, not any other kind of joint). I hadn’t been out for a few months prior to this night and I was particularly keen to release some tension on the dance floor (I love to dance) as the last few weeks had been considerably taxing mentally.
Dressed in my favourite white striped shorts playsuit, pulled my hair up into a curly bun and applied my makeup in the mirror. DJ Milktray was playing in the background. He is a motivational DJ from London who knows how to hype up the airwaves. I was swaying whilst applying the finishing touches to my mascara. My mood was that of excitement and ready to par-tay! “You look good” I thought to myself and I admired the image staring back at my entire being.
Then it was if someone had yanked out the plug from my speakers, switched the bedroom light off and shone a harsh spotlight under my chin. You know the kind of lighting that shows up every bump, lump and blemish? For the first time, I looked at myself seriously as all those wonderful feelings fell and smashed on the floor like a broken vase. They were replaced by a heavy hunk of dead mass on my insides oozing with the pains of my current situation. “…but you have cancer” came a voice from inside my head. For the first time in four weeks, it had finally hit home. I had cancer.