Tonight I’m feeling sad.
It bees like that sometimes.
As much as I would love to say that every day is a great day, every day is not. Whether I like it or not I am part of the cancer community. Because I shared my story widely I get a lot of new people (those with cancer and those who have friends or relatives with cancer), contacting me for advice or I see their stories unfold on social media. I happily provide whatever comfort I can, but what I cannot do, which cracks my heart; I can never tell them that they will be okay.
I remember when I was still waiting for my operation last year and I spoke to one of my dear Zumba ladies who had been through breast cancer. I asked her about her experience, which she gladly shared to try and help ease my worries. Hers was a story of success and I needed to follow that path – in my mind. But she never said the words I really needed to hear ‘You will be okay’.
How could she?
I mean, I can never know if I will ‘be okay’. I can never say it won’t come back. I can never say I am cured of cancer as officially there is no cure. So, for now, I stick with the euphemism ‘I am cancer-free’ as opposed to the it will probably come back version ‘remission’.
All I can ever say to anyone who is experiencing cancer or who is taking care of someone with the disease: take care of you. Those words really helped me and still do. Part of the reason I still write this blog is it still provides a therapeutic outlet for my thoughts. Do what works for you. Wrap yourself in comfort, embrace your being in pure loveliness, get lost in a world of pure self-indulgence. Make yourself a priority and find a place to channel your thoughts, be it to a friend, on paper or to a professional.
And when you find yourself getting lost in distractions like: Facebook, mindlessly flicking through the TV or anything else, stop what you’re doing and allow yourself to feel.
Even if that means you feel sad.