Becks in the City

Sing with me :"From yu wake up dis marnin, you's a winner!"

Author: becky (Page 2 of 4)

Dealing with Toxic People

Dealing with Toxic People

 

Many of you will know that I run a private Facebook Group (open to anyone who shares our vision) called Living on Purpose 2018. In it, we had a discussion on dealing with toxic people, we decided as a group to create a document which would help our younger females (in particular, but not exclusively) to deal with toxic people and relationships.

I feel strongly about this, as I this topic isn’t taught in school. I imagine that most parents do not speak about it with their children, so the way we often learn about these people (who are essentially hurt and consequently hurt others to make themselves feel better), is by developing relationships with them.

It is my aim to make this a conversation that takes place more frequently, not just with young women but with everyone. Perhaps when it is more out in the open these people will become more aware of their actions and change for the better or at the very least more folks know what to do when they meet a toxic being.

Pshychologytoday.com have a great article on how to spot toxic people. For now, I will give you the list we complied on how to deal with them. Feel free to add your own rules in the comments section. Here goes:

 

  1. If at all possible avoid them. Cut them off! They do not deserve your time.

 

  1. Avoid getting bogged down in detail. Often their tactic is to blind you in confusion. Stay focused on the goal.

 

  1. Choose your battles wisely. It’s not always worth getting into an argument. Toxic people tend to thrive on drama.

 

  1. However, don’t let them get away with bad behaviour. They often prey on people they perceive to be weak. Therefore, show them that you will not tolerate their crap.

 

  1. Constantly work on your self-esteem and self-worth. If you are self-assured, you won’t let others undermine you.

 

  1. Ignore attention seeking behaviour. They will often try to draw attention to themselves to lure you into their web of deceit.

 

  1. Don’t be sucked in by a sob story. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sorry for someone but it is not your responsibility to get your hands dirty and help fix them. You can’t anyway, only they can fix themselves.

 

 

The B is Back!

Saturday 20th January 2018

I’m going to etch this date into my brain. Why? It’s the first day that I have had the nerve to run since my surgery. I did it during my regular boxing training session at WBC (Women’s Boxing Club) in Birmingham. I had been eager to get back to training after my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery (for breast cancer) in June 17 but of course I waited until I got the go ahead from my clinicians. So, a couple months post-surgery I went back to boxing but running and bouncing were out of the question. I had tempted fate a few times and regretted it as my scars scolded me for inflicting friction burn upon them and pushing myself too far.

Co Founder of WBC Jason Lowe and I

Though it went against my nature to push forward regardless, I waited impatiently. Then one morning I woke up smiling because I knew my body was ready. When Jason the instructor, told me to run, I ran like an escaped prisoner. When he told me to jab, uppercut and hook, I punched like Laila Ali. All that was left for me to do was to jump in the ring, beat my chest and roar from the bottom of my lungs ‘I’m back b****s!’

Or maybe I’ve just been watching too many episodes of Housewives of Atlanta.

It feels wonderful to finally be getting back to where I was and beyond. I say beyond because since then, I haven’t been able to stop running. Last week, I ran around Alexander Stadium’s track 12 times in one morning. This girl is on fire!

One of the best female boxers in the game & co-founder of WBC Mav Akram

If you’re in Brum, female and want to get fit, let your frustration out or even fight, I strongly recommend WBC. With 3 sessions a week, a central location and only £2.50 a session, you have every reason to give it a try.

Olive Oil vs Rapeseed Oil

Last night I was speaking on Facebook Live in my Living on Purpose 2018 group about plant-based eating, and some really interesting topics arose. One such subject was around the types of oils we use to cook. In particular, we spoke about what we perceived to be the benefits (or not) of Rapeseed oil. My knowledge on it was very sketchy but what I did know was that Rapeseed oil has a high smoke point. This is a positive attribute because it means that it can be cooked at high temperatures without breaking down. Once it breaks down, it loses its health benefits and can actually become toxic and carcinogenic (cancer causing). But admittedly, I didn’t know much more beyond this.

Olive Oil has long been touted as a healthy oil but again, I could categorically tell you why. So, today I set about doing some research and this is what I found:

Olive Oil vs Rapeseed Oil

Personally, I need to be drizzling extra virgin olive oil on my salads for those antioxidant polyphenols. But as for my cooking, it has to be Rapeseed oil all the way, mainly due to its high smoke point. What’s the point having a so-called healthy oil, if it becomes toxic when heated? Which do you prefer?

Don’t Mess with My Tool Bag!

Good morning, good morning! The sun is shining and I’m feeling good today.

This is significant for a lot of reasons but mainly because, although I have decided to fully live my life, I am still human and I still get aftershock from the diagnosis 9 months ago.

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Every now and again, little negative Becky whispers in my ears and tells me stuff like: you’re not good enough, the cancer is going to come back, sadness is here to stay and other crazy stuff. I had a wobbly moment last night. What triggered it, I can’t pinpoint. Sometimes it’s just seeing someone struggle on TV (like last night on the program about people who stammer) or maybe an undesirable thought knocks me in my head. It doesn’t have to be anything major.

But what I really love about me now is I know how to deal with these moments. I have a range of armoury in my imaginary tool bag to whack those moments of disempowerment hurtling into space. They include: switching off social media (so if I go quiet, I might just be having a moment to chill), speaking to someone who knows how to help me lift my mood or altering my physiology in order to change my state of mind. This morning I danced with my daughter whilst eating my porridge. She loved it, as believe it or not (as a former Zumba instructor) she has not seen me dance all that much. Attending a HIIT class today was also part of my ‘getting back to my happy place’ agenda. Plus, I put on a Youtube video about listening to your heart and not your stupid brain (that’s what it’s called). All these have activities helped me to re-focus and get back on track. Now I am feeling absolutely awesome once again!

You can’t always positively think yourself out of a difficult place. What I now realise, is that you have to work a little harder than that. Being aware of the strategies you have available to you to get your power back, is essential to having a healthy mind.

I don’t ever want to pretend that I have it all sorted and that now that I’m choosing to live my life purposefully, everything is magically wonderful all the time. That is just false! I acknowledge that I will always have to face challenges, as all of us do. The difference is now, I am much better prepared to deal with them. With the power I hold in my tool bag,  almost feel sorry for any negativity that comes its way – almost

What tools work best for you?

Meat Who? Challenge

Challenge_ Don't eat meat for 5 days15th Jan 18 - 19th Jan 18In my bid to help people live happy, healthier lives I am setting a challenge called ‘Meat Who?’ In order to take part, you must be a member of the ‘Living on Purpose 2018’ Facebook group (see details below).

The challenge is to simply not eat meat from 9am on Monday 15th January 2018 to 11:59 pm on 19th January 2018.

There are already lots of people who have signed up to the group who are taking part in the challenge, so you will have lots of support. I and others will share plant-based recipes, motivational messages, videos and lots of encouragement.

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There are many benefits to eliminating meat from your diet or reducing the amount you eat which include: disease prevention (including cancer, diabetes and heart disease), an improved immune system, weight loss, it’s money-saving (vegetables and pulses are generally cheaper than meat), helping to save the planet and reducing cruelty to animals. Whatever your reason taking part, you will definitely benefit.

The aim is that after the challenge, you are able to have at least one meal a day without meat, thus reducing your level of consumption and consequently improving your health.

Rules:

  1. Don’t eat meat
  2. Avoid fish (as much of it contains heavy metals) but if you really can’t, then just eat it! Eliminating meat alone is a massive move.
  3. You can still eat animal products such as dairy and eggs. Though if you are working on becoming vegan, try to reduce the amount you consume.
  4. Have lots of fun trying new tastes

Link to the Living on Purpose Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/156099701701648/

About Living on Purpose 2018

Living on Purpose 2018 is a Facebook group. The aim of the group is to encourage you to find fulfilment, encourage healthy living and to help you to live life on your own terms.

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Photo credit: Gavin Telfer

It has been set up by me, Rebbecca Hemmings of www.becksinthecity.co.uk 2017 was the year the severely shook my core after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m lucky, after having a bilateral mastectomy, I can now claim that I am cancer-free. Many people have been denied the blessing that I have, so I feel compelled not waste the gift of a second chance but instead choose to live on purpose. It’s scary, its risky but most of all, it’s exciting!

It’s a place to set shiny new ambitious goals, share articles – recipes – quotes – ambitions, to be brave and to feel the fear and do it anyway. I share exclusive videos, blogs and posts designed to motivate, inspire and help you to work on becoming the best version of you.

I invite you to do the same. Use the group to be inspired to live your life purposefully. Go beyond merely making wishes, set your intention, make a plan and start taking steps towards finally making your dreams a reality. 

Fluffy American Style Teff Pancakes

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This morning I awoke with an appetite for American fluffy pancakes. As with many dishes, these days I am having to rethink how I cook without eggs and dairy.

Just in case you are wondering why I no longer eat these: Eggs have been associated with an increased risk breast cancer, read more here. Dairy too would increase my chances of getting a breast cancer recurrence as can be seen from this report. Whilst, I would love to be eating the once enjoyed dairy and egg based pancakes I once did, I love my life much more.

One aspect I am really loving about this plant-based journey is that I am constantly being introduced to new foods. 20171223_110510I was given a bag of brown teff flour from a friend yesterday. Teff is a grain grown and widely used in Ethiopia. It has a huge range of health benefits including: balancing blood sugar, being gluten free (though if you wish to make this dish gluten free you will need to eliminate the white flour), assisting digestion and elimination due to its high fibre content, being low fat and it actually tastes really good. Therefore, this formed my main ingredient for the pancakes.

This method of making pancakes was pretty much a trial and error job. Don’t be put off by the vinegar as you won’t taste it at all. As an acid, it is added to produce carbon dioxide. It reacts with the baking powder to help the pancakes rise. I might add a little more baking powder next time to help them become a little fluffier, but other than that, I am proud of my accomplishment. I ate them with maple syrup and seasoned baked beans (made with onion and black pepper).

You don’t have to be vegan or consciously living a plant-based lifestyle to give these a try but you will most certainly gain from its benefits.

Enjoy!

Ingredients

2 tbsp brown teff flour

2 tbsp white flour

1 tsp white wine vinegar

A dash of vanilla essence

1 tbsp coconut sugar (or any sugar you like)

1-2 tsp baking powder

150 ml almond milk

2-3 tbsp Rapeseed oil

 

Makes 6 – 8 pancakes

Method

  1. Mix all the dry ingredients together
  2. Add the milk, vinegar and vanilla essence and mix thoroughly
  3. Add rapeseed oil to a skillet of frying pan
  4. Use a ladle to add the mixture in oval shapes to the hot oil
  5. As soon as you see the edge of the pancakes begin to harden, turn them over
  6. Once cooked, serve hot with maple syrup

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The 10 Changes I’ve Made Since Becoming Cancer Free

20643275_10159506323540221_103051546048746514_oIn two days, it will be exactly 6 months since I had my breast cancer surgery – a bilateral mastectomy to be precise. It has been one big ole crazy journey and I guess one that will not end anytime soon. The reason doctors generally don’t say, ‘You’ve been cured’ and prefer the term ‘cancer-free’ is because once you’ve had the disease, you are at greater risk from getting a recurrence (though the likelihood does lessen as time goes on).

This little piece of knowledge could really depress me if I let it. I could constantly be on edge, checking myself daily for any changes, getting paranoid from the tiniest niggle or ache but I choose not to. Instead, I am seeing the opportunities to live a healthier, fuller and more fulfilling life. I am embracing the gifts cancer gave me.

My life has already changed dramatically since 28th April 17 when I was officially charged with DCIS and invasive breast cancer. As I lean into the changes that I know I need, I vindicate my spirit and choose to live life on my terms.

I am now…

 

  1. F25158435_10160085984140221_8269649721085243961_nollowing a plant-based lifestyle. Most people who know me, see that I now follow a plant-based diet. This means different things to different people but what it means for me is that I no longer eat meat or dairy but instead, my diet is filled with natural produce from the earth and fish for my essential fatty acids & vitamin B12 (although I am working on weening fish out in 2018).

 

  1. Minimising social chatter. Those who know me on Facebook or Instagram, may have noticed that I am not as present as I used to be, that’s because I have deleted these apps from my phone. Oh my gosh! This has been a Godsend! My clarity of thought has improved, I do not get anxious as easily, I am much more focused and I get more done! After all, did we not have rich and fulfilled lives before the existence of these mediums?
  1. Avoiding toxic people. You can just smell them before they enter the room. They stare at you, beckoning you into their poisonous atmosphere. I am having none of it! If I suspect you are carrying bad vibes in your aura, I’m gone to tomorrow. There is not much worse than allowing a soul vampire to suck your positive energy dry.
  1. Indulging in music therapy. My soul has been soothed with some serious vocal and musical delights this year. I have attended quite a few of ‘Reed Bass Presents’ events this autumn. I cannot tell you how cathartic these sessions have been. I have sat there, sometimes with tears flowing down my face as the melodies and the golden voices of vocalists such as Nat Chards, Ola Brown and Sapphire Sings reached my core and coerced me to feel emotions again and released the numbness I used for protection.
  1. Being mindful of my thoughts. I am not going to sit here and pretend that everything is ‘cook & curry’ (as many Jamaicans would say. Meaning ‘everything is okay’); it’s not. I have had some really dark days (and still do), when I allow my mind to think about the dire possibilities i.e. the cancer returning, having to have another operation or worse still, leaving my daughter without a mum. Or sometimes, I try and reconcile what has happened to me. Some days I still find it difficult to believe that I had cancer. It’s weird. But lately I have had to remind myself of the energies that I am attracting when I think about these things. I believe that you attract the energy you focus on the most. I want to live a life that is full of fun experiences, magical moments and lots of happiness. Therefore, I actively choose to think about the endless positive experiences coming my way, in order to think the right elements into existence.

workout-1931107_12806. Partaking in Pilates classes. I used to think holistic classes such as Yoga and Pilates were boring. As a former Zumba instructor, I was used to loud music, high impact jumping and pumping. That certainly has its place, however what has been so lovely about Pilates is that I have been able to show kindness to my body whilst still challenging it. It’s going to be a while before I can bounce (I’m still healing from the operation), so Pilates offers me a way of staying toned in a way that will not interfere with my healing. Plus, the relaxing environment and serenity leave me feeling renewed and chilled out.

  1. Not caring so much about what people think about me. I have just gone through the most traumatic experience of my life and for the most part, I was very public about it (as it helped me to deal with the enormity of it all). Compared to this, most previously little stressful events, now feel like an ant scratching a giant’s foot. They just aren’t relevant.

25182113_10160077279240221_5819973162538717592_o8. Being completely present when playing with my daughter. Prior to my diagnosis, I was guilty of utilising a double consciousness when spending so called ‘quality time’ with my daughter. Half my mind was in the activity in which we were engaged and the other half was in: work, my list of chores, who I needed to email next, etc… It wasn’t fair on her. Now, I put down my phone, turn off the TV, I actively listen to all the important words coming out of her mouth and I dedicate chunks of time when I am completely hers. What played in my mind many times when I first found out I had cancer was ‘I can’t leave her.’ So why would I choose to be here and not be present in her life now?

 

  1. Meditating. I am very conscious of the fact that stress can lower the immune system and that when it is lowered, you are at greater risk from getting a disease. So, meditation offers a great way to de-stress. When all is quiet, I sit on my sofa or bed, switch off the lights and either listen to some meditation music, or sit in silence. This leaves me feeling clear of the brain fog and much more relaxed. I have on occasion, woken up with very stiff crossed legs.
  1. Following my dreams. When I was at my mum’s house recovering for weeks on end, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I really wanted to do. For a few months after that, I dismissed those things as pipe dreams but now that I have started to seriously focus on that which I truly desire, I’m already starting to reach for those dreams. I am not saying much now but I will say: You’d better keep watching this space. 😊 

 

***If you want to keep up with my continued journey to stay cancer-free, subscribe to this blog below. ***

Zumbathon for Breast Cancer Care

“I’m a bit sensitive and don’t want to be a blubbering mess. Is it okay to come back to you by Tuesday with a reply?”

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About 2 weeks ago a long-standing Zumba colleague, Andrea Edwards, told me she and her Zumba partner Helen Challis, were having a Zumbathon in Tipton for Breast Cancer Care. This is just one of the charities that took great care of me whilst I was going through my cancer ordeal. Andrea had asked me to speak for a few minutes about my experience and to create awareness of the disease.

Though I have happily shouted from the roof tops on social media about my experience, being faced with a hall full of ladies, telling them about my experience and having my breasts stared at (because people do look – it’s natural I guess), unnerved me. I am still wrapping my head around what has happened and sometimes I do get tearful. I didn’t want that to happen in front of an audience.

However, my fear of breaking down was not realised. I did my 5 minute speech where I warned women to:

  1. Watch out for signs of breast cancer: dimpled skin, dry skin, inverted nipple, nipple discharge as well as the notorious lump
  2. Insist on getting genetically tested for BC if your mum, sister or auntie had breast cancer.
  3. Act quickly if they do find anything untoward as early detection saves lives.

 

p1020868.jpgThe event was full of joyful vibes, it was visually poppin’ and so well organised. The atmosphere was buzzing! About 200 people came adorned in their pink, reppin’ for Breast Cancer Awareness

Though I still can’t bounce due to my scars (they hurt like hell when aggravated), I did what I could. I remembered why I fell in love with Zumba in the first place. My heart nearly exploded with joy when I led my routine to Mr Vegas’ ‘I am Blessed’.

Thank you so much to Andrea and Helen for inviting me to your much needed event. You are fab instructors who clearly mean a lot to your local community, this is evidenced by the great turn out. 

In my hospital bed, about 4 days after surgery, I said to myself “I want to speak to other women about breast cancer so that this disease kills less people.”

I guess I have now started on that journey and…

…it feels right. 

 

Blowing Darkness a Goodbye Kiss

Thailand 2007

Bangkok 2007

I am my own angel but never knew it! I wrote this poem back in 2007. Ten years ago! I wonder if I had followed my own advice to the letter, if I would have still been diagnosed with breast cancer? Perhaps I felt I was too radical at the time and was just being a conspiracy theorist.

I don’t support everything I wrote back then. For instance, I no longer eat meat and I am very respectful of medical professionals in general. Their knowledge, skills and understanding around cancer, saved my life. However, I know there is a lot of truth to the research I did. What I am saying is, that when profit-making is connected to our health and well-being, there has to be adequate levels of supply and demand. We just need to be informed so that we remain healthy individuals and not merely bodies from which our illness make corporations billions of pounds yearly. 

Read it, and take away what you need.

Blowing Darkness a Goodbye Kiss

by Rebbecca Hemmings 2007 (c) 

Recently I made a decision

If you let it, the system will kill you

And I’m not ready to go, so

I’m on a natural tip

No more cows’ milk; its Soya all the way

The taste is an acquired one

But preferable to decay

 

The caffeine that used to get me hyper

Has now all but disappeared

Recent reports say it causes stunted growth

Now I’m not the tallest person in the world so

I guess the damage has been done

But bun that cos I’m more informed now

We’re eating goat, we’re savouring  lamb,

Yamming foul, consuming ham

Cancer causing carcinogens

Make your blood cark, it’s dark!

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Now I’m not preaching

I suppose I’m just teaching

Blowing darkness a goodbye kiss

Breaking news; ignorance is not bliss

 

I’d be lying if I said I don’t eat meat, Chicken is the one!

Giving that up ain’t no easy feat

I have to work on them one by one

But the levels of consumption

Have seriously depleted,

One more step to getting the pharmaceuticals defeated

 

Cos you understand that don’t you?

It’s important you understand

If we all lead a natural lifestyle

We’d be taking money from the man

You understand?

They make billions from the tablets, and the medicines we digest

They don’t want you to get better

“Take these pills and get plenty of bed rest”

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Now I’m not preaching

I suppose I’m just teaching

Blowing darkness a goodbye kiss

Breaking news; ignorance is not bliss

 

Yeah I did it, I got a colonic

My system needed to purge

I was turning bionic

Cos what had happened was

My system had overloaded

With the chemicals that had invaded my flesh

I started to imagine me eroded

The monosodium glutamate and the starchy Acrylamide

The mercury and the arsenic

Not forgetting the sulphur dioxide,

Box-side!

If the chemicals were black they’d be up for attempted murder

But their in their nice bright pretty container

Buying them seems to be a no brainer

 

Now I’m not preaching

I suppose I’m just teaching

Blowing darkness a goodbye kiss

Breaking news; ignorance is not bliss

 

So I’ve taken my body back from the powers that be

Giving her what she deserves

To be treated nicely

She likes it, so in return she pays me back

With energy, sprite and immaculate health

And a body to be proud of

I’m telling you boy, I love my new self.

Can’t say I don’t miss certain things

Coco bread and pattie

I have to put them to rest

But at least I know the black stuff

Will find it harder to reach my breast

 

We wonder why we’re all getting fat

Well we all know who has a hand in that.

Just stop the wheel, and get the hell off!

You and your children are in danger

Don’t  tell me seh me never warn you

When your body becomes a stranger

Treat your body right and look after your own

They rely on you not knowing

How do you think the Stock Exchange has grown?

 

Don’t take my word for it, do your research

But I’m telling you

You will find, if you search

Well time for me to go now,

Go drink some herbal tea, its criss

But before I go, please acknowledge this

                                                                                   

I really wasn’t preaching

I suppose I was just teaching

Blowing darkness a goodbye kiss

Breaking news; ignorance is not bliss

 

You can see me perform this on Youtube here

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thrive Urban Food Festival

21230912_10155830679126564_3784113278662208686_nGiven that I am now on a mission to prevent the return of my breast cancer and ensure disease never reaches the body of my daughter (and anyone else that will listen), I was more than happy to accept my friend Petra Foster’s invitation to The Thrive Urban Food Festival. The event took place at The Bond which is a canal side, hip and trendy events venue in Birmingham, UK on 3rd September 2017.

The event’s copy promised: a courtyard streetfood market, a market hall, fitness sessions, wellness classes, high profile speakers and panel sessions throughout the day. It certainly delivered upon it’s promise and the fact that it was family friendly was a major selling feature for me.

Personal highlights include: the live cookery demonstration from blogger Niki from Rebel Recipes. She made a Cauliflower and Peas Stew with a  coconut chutney. Of course, we got the opportunity to taste the results of her labour; it was very flavoursome -especially the coconut chutney. It’s the type of dish I would make on a cold autumn evening. Vegan comfort food.

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Mindfulness for Children was a session run by Meraki Workshops. On arrival younger children were encouraged to colour in sheets which encouraged mindfulness and self- awareness. At age 4, my daughter was a little too young to understand the concept of the brain and its functions (although they were beautifully described). However, I loved watching how engrossed the other children were as they created their glitter jars, shook them and watched the particles settle like the thoughts in their mind when they indulge in moments of stillness. 

By far my favourite aspect of the day were the talks. Particularly that of Nutritional Therapist & Health Concierge Daniela Lawler. She led a session on children and nutrition. It was packed full of information that could serve people of all ages such as: The fact that many people in this country (and especially those with darker skins), lack Vitamin D. This prevents the body from absorbing calcium. Without it, we are susceptible to a wide range of health difficulties including: diseases, cognitive impairment and asthma. It got me thinking about it being a possible cause of my cancer.

Also, Potassium Sorbate, Anthocyanins, citric acid, acesulfame and sucralose are all on the label of the popular children’s drink: Fruit Shoot and they are also E numbers. She stated that manufacturers have gotten around the loophole of having the list any E numbers by calling them by their other chemical names. Shocking! 

She packed so much information into the session that there wasn’t time remaining at the end for questions (though she spoke to individuals outside afterwards). I honestly did not mind though, as I thought the knowledge she shared was  valuable and eye-opening. If I wanted to know more, I could do as she suggested and the research documents she would send for being a new member of her mailing list. 

Other smaller (but just as significant) features of the day were: being convinced that I could eat and like pecan nuts by the charming gentleman of True North. I tasted the Almond Pecan Crunch and consequently brought a pack. 

Cakes & Ish sold a mouth-drooling mushroom curried pattie. I had to track them down on Facebook to find out where I could buy more.

The £10 (worth £20) goody bag sold by Thrive was well worth money. It was a great way to try a load of new and exciting P1020832snacks, teas and other nutritionally kind products without having to rob the bank to do so. As, I have to be frank and say that I found some of the prices in the market hall substantially higher than I felt necessary. The Salted Caramel Coconut Peaks by Inspirational and the Maple and Cinnamon Roll protein balls by DC Wholefoods were delectable and very energising! I will be buying more! 

So well done Thrive Festival, you have found yourself a repeat customer. I look forward to the next event! 

 

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