Becks in the City

Sing with me :"From yu wake up dis marnin, you's a winner!"

It Ain’t Over ‘til I Say it’s Over!

I have started to speak with a cancer psychologist about my thoughts with regards to having had cancer. In my first session, she explained that it is only now after the cancer has gone that I am beginning to experience the shock of the entire experience from diagnosis to surgery. In order to process it healthily, she has advised I face what I am feeling instead of masking it. In this blog, I am attempting to do just that. So, I apologise now for it not being one of my most positive reads.

**********************************************************************************

aircraft-1705922_1920

Chemtrails

It’s been a month since I was told that I am cancer-free. I can’t stress enough how much of a relief that is. It’s amazing! But there is a caveat. I know this because I keep hearing Cancer’s voice creeping into my thoughts: “It ain’t over ‘til I say it’s over” she warns menacingly. The worst thing is, I know she speaks the truth.

I know exactly what she means, because I have already seen the evidence. What she means by ‘it’, is the horror and terror that reigns at the mere mentioning of her name. I may have gotten a green pass for now but being a new member of the Cancer Community, I am seeing online friends from all over the world still doing their utmost best to oust her from their lives. I watch the updates praying for a great outcome for them but with each tale of metastasis, further chemo treatment and trips to Mexico to find a cure, I get extremely fearful. I am terrified at the thought that cancer is surreptitiously steaming through their cells like a submarine carrying a ballistic missile. The damage she can do is uncontrollable. She takes away lives, loved-ones, hopes, dreams, aspirations, new families, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. I could go on.

…and I feel all of this.

Every time I see the TV adverts begging for help to find a cure, every time I hear someone new gets a diagnosis, every time I feel a twinge in the place she was removed, every time I see someone living an extremely unhealthy lifestyle, every time a person feels awkward around me because (I assume) they can’t deal with the notion of me having had cancer, every time I crave sugar and indulge but then wonder if I am feeding some undetected cancer, every time I see a chemtrail, every time I see my daughter frown at the vegan meal I made for her because she would prefer chicken, every time I hear of someone’s cancer returning

I feel it.

She makes me feel it!

Every time.

So I guess, until I find some other evidence to counteract the narrative, she is right: it ain’t over ’til she says it is.

Previous

Bangin’ Joints & Cancer

Next

Thrive Urban Food Festival

1 Comment

  1. Paulette Francis-Green

    Yes Becks, the fear of the ‘C’ returning , that’s what I call it, will be there. At this moment in time ‘ The C’ enjoys being centre stage of our lives, but they are other players taking part in the play of surviving the C, like the actors called faith, determination, strength and love. The play will end after a number of ‘acts’ but ‘the C’ will only play a small part.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it’s helping me to live my life with positivity. X

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén